All you can eat sushi

It is a love or hate thing. Some see eating raw fish as sexy and sumptuous, a melt-in-your-mouth pleasure that cannot be duplicated. Others see it as a slimy, bacteria-infested mess. Me, I cannot get enough sashimi to satisfy me, so I opt for the all-you-can-eat plan. Normally, it is quite easy to find many willing participants to partake in the feast with me. I have a few groups of girlfriends who love girls-only sushi nights, where we can chat about kids, husbands (or boyfriends) and our blogs. But, sometimes I just get an urge and I need that nori wrapped goodness NOW!

My husband (Mr. UndertheCovers) is a lover of the simple things: golf, chicken wings and mafia shows. His culinary repertoire consists of nothing more than deep-fried cheese and plain white bread. Vegetables are a no, fruit is a maybe and fish is a resounding no thank you! So what is a girl to do when her girlfriends are busy and she needs her California Roll fix? Well, she barters. I’ll give you this if you come with me to eat all you can eat sushi and pretend you love it so I don’t feel like I am forcing you to go. “This” usually consists of a blow job, doggy style and a great big smile on my face with a “yes you can do it wherever you want” without groaning (in the bad way). Before I know it, the babysitter is on her way and we are in the van on our way to Wundersushi. My formerly “picky” husband is now excited to be eating raw tuna and sukomono salad. He devours each piece, smiling, even attempting to use his chopsticks, all the while just thinking about dessert.

This is a happy trade-off for both of us. We both get something we want, which we might not have been willing to give the other in the first place. To me, that is a lot of what marriage is about – making the other happy even when it makes you a little uncomfortable. So, you can imagine my surprise when many of the undercover mamas I interviewed did not feel the same way. Asking their husbands to perform favours in return for more enthusiasm or adventure in the bedroom was just not something these moms were interested in. A few undercover mamas felt asking someone to do something they didn’t want to do, either sexual, or otherwise, would not be good for the relationship. Resentment and feelings of being used were big issues when it came to trading favours. Another felt that sex was a reward for both of them, so to ask for another favour wouldn’t be fair.

For the few undercover mamas who were happy to barter, the requested favours were definitely well-intentioned. One undercover mama was totally on the same wavelength as me – she often traded blow jobs for things she wanted. To me, the blow job is one of the best tools in our tool belt for getting what we want. Another undercover mama wanted alone time in the shower without interruptions. Remember when a shower meant you could relax and get clean all at the same time? I don’t remember the last time I had a shower without someone’s pleading eyes watching or listening to someone cry that his brother hit him or having to get out six times to put the baby’s soother back in his mouth. This is a favour I could definitely see as worthy! But, with my luck, Mr. UndertheCovers would think it was an invitation to join me in the shower and would want to get me dirty while I got clean. A few other undercover mamas were happy to provide their partner with a blow job in return for a back rub. This way they could stay connected, and both left satisfied. Personally, I prefer the orgasm over the back rub. I have a great massage therapist so I leave that arena up to her.

Sleep is very important to me, especially with a nursing newborn latched to me many hours of the night. I will do anything to get extra hours of sleep, and I mean anything. There have been mornings where Mr. UndertheCovers has had only one hour of sleep, but he has a perma-smile on his face the entire day.

Although many moms would not admit to trading favours for the sexual satisfaction of their partners, what woman doesn’t find a house cleaned by her husband the ultimate turn-on? You know that  feeling you get down below when he says “I’ll take the kids to the park, you just check your email”. Or what about when your nipples get hard after coming home after a long day to find dinner, a healthy one in fact, on the table? The rewards for this “good behaviour” are endless and translate well in the bedroom. And, by and far, most men know this. It is why he made you that Eggs Benedict for breakfast last Sunday, it is why he calls you on the way home from work to ask if you need anything, and it is definitely why he took your cat to the vet to get a tooth extracted and smiled as he paid the $300 bill. For sex. So while you may not be asking your man to trade favours for sex, men who have been in the relationship long enough know exactly what to do to get it. Forget the flowers and candy of the courting years. Scrub her toilet and she is as good as yours. Guaranteed!